First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
