Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
