Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
