You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
