Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
