wanna go halves on a baby?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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