I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
