I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
