Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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