i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
