I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
