Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
