Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
