dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
