Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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