Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
