I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
