Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
