I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
