Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
