I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
