sarcasm needs its own font
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
