There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
