Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
