Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
