No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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