Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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