fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
