loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
