I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
