Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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