conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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