Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
