the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
