I got chris browned last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
