I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
