the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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