Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
