remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
