Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
