I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
