Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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