did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We left the knife in your bed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
