I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
