so explain again why im purple
no
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
