his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
