Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
