I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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