I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
