If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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