I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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